Social networking sites aren't the only place where cyberbullying happens, but they're one of the most common places where kids may post comments, send cruel messages, post hurtful polls or pictures, or start rumors about others. Text messaging is the other main venue for cyberbullying. Texting messaging- often called "texting" - is more popular among girls, who report in my research that it accounts for about half of cyberbullying cases.

Coping Skills

Social media can become overwhelming with an unlimited amount of images and comments. Although girls feel the need to discover and connect they also need to know when to put the phone down and disconnect. Girls need to have activities that help them cope with either negative experiences or just recharge themselves. It is important to encourage your girl to spend time doing something that brings them joy that does not involve the internet. Girls with strong coping skills will have an easier time overcoming a negative experience. 

If your girl is feeling bad it is important to listen to her and acknowledge her feelings. Sometimes all they need is someone to listen to them and not always someone to solve their problems. It is also better to talk about it face to face rather than over text.

If your girl isn’t ready to talk encourage her to do something she loves. It is important that this activity does not revolve around her phone. Does she like to read, create art, exercise, or play music? Have her do one of those activities to help her decompress and recharge.

Why do kids get in trouble online?

Although much attention has focused on online predators, it's much more likely that a child will be the cyberbully, not an adult. Kids often don't understand how electronic communications change how we talk. For example, when you are typing something, you don't see the person's face and body language; you miss all of those cues and can easily misunderstand what's being said. Online, it's easier to be casually cruel because you can't see how you're hurting the person, and you don't get the nonverbal cues that tell you to stop. Many online also believe that they are "lost in the crowd" and that no one will ever see what they're doing. What they don't realize is that their "real-life" community (e.g., their school) doesn't have a million people and because it's these people who watch them online, they are not really lost in a crowd of millions. Of course, because kids are so young, their ability to understand the permanency of what they do online is very limited!

Empathy

We are so quick to want to fix any problems that our girls face. As girls grow and develop they need to start solving problems on their own. However, just because your girl may not need your solution, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need support and empathy. Research points to building empathy as a way to combat bullying and cyberbullying situations. Building empathy skills starts with you. When you girl comes to you with a problem or a situation be sure to actively listen to what she has to say, don’t listen and try to immediately fix the problem. After she is done talking be sure to recognize her feelings, and then offer empathy. Empathy is more than just sympathy. Empathy is being able to relate to her feelings. Let her know that she is not alone and you can relate to how she feels. If you practice this at home she will build her empathy skills which she will then be able to use with her peers. Middle school girls are more likely to go to their peers for support or solutions than parents. If your girl is able to provide a peer empathy she is now a good support system for that friend. If more kids had empathy, bullying would be less prevalent. Empathic and resilient kids are able to support victims in an effective way. Bullies are also more likely to stop when their peers ignore them and help the victim. All of these skills can be built upon at home and carried over into the rest of your girl’s life.

Building empathy at home:

Sources: Michele Borba: Unselfies: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World. and Diana Graber: Raising Humans in a Digital World

• Set up digitally unplugged family time.

• Teach kids to look into others eyes.

• Talk emotions.

• Read books or see movies that contain a wide range of emotions or are emotionally charged.

• Take advantage of mealtimes, bedtimes, and carpool to connect emotionally with children.